Facing Demons | Better Than You

(to be editted, thoughts and ideas are still raw)

Sometimes, I want to be better than others too much. It's something I carried over from my childhood. Always seeking to be good in the eyes of others. To be recognized, to be praised. I lived with that, I loved it. The attention, the respect, the way people less than you look up to you, and the way people greater than you recognize you. I was the center of the universe. I still am, though I may have become better at hiding it.

Being better than others isn't always a pleasant experience. It makes one distant, different, an outcast. Being better than others in many different skills, that's even worse. It's hard to live with a person who tries to be good at everything. It's hard to live with a person who's better at most things than you. It's hard to live with someone like me who tries and acts so hard to be better. I've felt the same way towards some people like that. So I know how it must feel for some of the people around me.

One day, before I knew it, I was competing with this person... And caught myself doing it. I don't want to compete anymore... Not in that way. I just want to be me. To aim for my own goals. To measure myself mostly by myself, and not based on others.